I remember a year ago, when I was first introduced to MIA, and I thought she was really fucking shitty. It didn't matter, because i didn't think she was ever going to make it big because she sucked so goddamn much.

It turns out that she sucked so goddamn much that she made it big. MIA is bad enough that average Americans will listen to her on the radio. I realized that she was bound to make it big, because when I hear her on the radio, she fits in perfectly because she sucks just as much as the rest of it. All she needed was for her song to be featured in a moderately successful stoner movie to put her on the radar. MIA did just that.

Let's talk about her music:

Her lyrics are overhyped, uncreative, propaganda inspired bullshit. They have roots in an important political story that must be told, which is pretty cool. The problem is that if she was really concerned with using the lyrical art of rapping as a tool to tell this story, her lyrics wouldn't be so shitty.

"

Here's an example: "Paper Planes"

I fly like paper, get high like planes
If you catch me at the border I got visas in my name
If you come around here, I make them all day
I get one down in a second if you wait

I fly like paper, get high like planes
If you catch me at the border I got visas in my name
If you come around here, I make them all day
I get one down in a second if you wait

Sometimes I feel sitting on trains
Every stop I get to I'm clocking that game
Everyone's a winner now we're making that fame
Bona fide hustler, making my name

Sometimes I feel sitting on trains
Every stop I get to I'm clocking that game
Everyone's a winner now we're making that fame
Bona fide hustler, making my name

All I want to do is BANG BANG BANG BANG!
And KA-CHING!
And take your money

All I want to do is BANG BANG BANG BANG!
And KA-CHING!
And take your money

All I want to do is BANG BANG BANG BANG!
And KA-CHING!
And take your money

Pirate skulls and bones
Sticks and stones and weed and bombs
Running when we hit them
Lethal poison through their system

Pirate skulls and bones
Sticks and stones and weed and bombs
Running when we hit them
Lethal poison through their system

No one on the corner has swagger like us
Hit me on my banner, prepaid wireless
We pack and deliver like UPS trucks
Already going to hell just pumping that gas

No one on the corner has swagger like us
Hit me on my banner, prepaid wireless
We pack and deliver like UPS trucks
Already going to hell just pumping that gas

All I want to do is BANG BANG BANG BANG!
And KA-CHING!
And take your money

All I want to do is BANG BANG BANG BANG!
And KA-CHING!
And take your money

All I want to do is BANG BANG BANG BANG!
And KA-CHING!
And take your money

M.I.A.
Third world democracy
Yeah, I got more records than the K.G.B.
So, uh, no funny business

Some, some, some, I some I murder
Some, I some I let go
Some, some, some, I some I murder
Some, I some I let go

All I want to do is BANG BANG BANG BANG!
And KA-CHING!
And take your money

All I want to do is BANG BANG BANG BANG!
And KA-CHING!
And take your money

All I want to do is BANG BANG BANG BANG!
And KA-CHING!
And take your money

All I want to do is BANG BANG BANG BANG!
And KA-CHING!
And take your money

She's no Atmosphere, she's no Aesop Rock, she's no Deltron, she's no Immortal Technique. She just sucks.

People think she's like the Rage Against the Machine of Hip-Hop, only she has no vision, no platform, and nothing mildly intelligent to say. Have you read her blog? It's a whole lot of globally ignorant uninspired incoherent british slang under a blanket of ghetto third world mystique, typed in capslock so that it looks as important as she thinks she is. Her whole fucking image is ghetto third world mystique, and for some reason the uber-hipster scene is going completely batshit crazy over it.

When MTV took out the samples of gunshots in her music video, she went absolutely insane, and took to her blog. This was the post:

"1, I ORIGINALLY WANTED TO SHOOT THE VIDEO IN A FACTORY ON THE BORDER OF EQUADOR, BUT COULDNT. I WAS TOURING THE U.S, I COULDA BEEN ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD RIGHT THEN BUT THERE I WAS IN AMERICA, IN NYC, IN BROOKLYN, IN BEDSTUY , I WAS TORN BETWEEN SCRAPIN SHOWS IN AMERICA AND MEETING AMERICAN FANS OR SHOOTING IN NYC ON MY ONLY DAY OFF I'D HAD IN 4 MONTHS AND GETTING ON WITH IT.

2, SO THAT WAS THAT! I NEVER MADE A VIDEO IN AMERICA AND HEY ITS STILL A PART OF WHAT I DO AND SAY, ITS WAS STILL VALID, SO I WAS READY TO ROLL WITH IT.

3, YOU ALL KNOW HOW THE SONG SOUNDS, THATS WHY WHEN U GO ON YOUTUBE 400, 000 PEOPLE WOULD RATHER LISTEN THE SONG AS IT IS AND STARE AT SOME PICTURE THEN TO ACTUALLY WATCH A VIDEO

4, WHEN LETTERMAN CENSORD ME IT WAS WAC OF COURSE!!!!!! , AND YES I FELT SOOOOOO BAD FOR WHAT THEY DID TO MY SOUND. I WAS ABEL TO SOUND CHECK FOR THAT SHOW AND THEY LET ME SOUND CHECK FINE, THEN ON THE ACTUAL TAPING MY SOUND WAS SOOO DIFFERENT FROM WHAT ID AGREED, AS SOON AS I OPENED MY MOUTH THE DIFFERENCE BLEW ME AWAY, I FELT I WAS GETTING BULLIED ON NATIONAL TELEVISON, AND I COULDNT EVEN REACH OUT TO MY LABELS OR MY MANAGEMENT TO HELP, SINCE THEY ARE NEW TO WHAT HAPPENS TO AN ARTIST LIKE ME IN MAINSTEAM AMERICAN CULTURE.

SO THEY TRIED TO SHUT ME DOWN AGAIN. I MADE THE PAPER PLANES VIDEO. I MADE IT HOW THEY WANTED. NO VIOLENCE. AMBIGUOUS. MTV - FRIENDLY. NOW TODAY, I CHECK YOUTUBE AND SEE THE LEAKED MTV PAPER PLANES VIDEO UP FOR THE FIRST TIME. I CLICKED ON IT AND OUT COMES THIS FUCKED UP MESS WITH DOUBLE-TRACKED BULLSHIT MESS

WHO THE THE FUCK IS DOING THIS TO ME?????

THE VIDEO WAS SABOTAGED FOR WHATEVER REASON AND IM DISAPPOINTED THAT MTV HAS HAD SUCH A MAJOR ROLE IN THIS. THE BLOGGERS WHO ARE LAZY ENOUGH TO FOLLOW THE MTV LINK AND POST UP AND COMMENT ON THE SOUND WHEN THAT HASNT BEEN COMPROMISED AND THE GUNSHOT ARENT REPLACED AND EDITED MAKES ME SAD. I DID FIGHT FOR THE SOUND , BECAUSE PUTTING MEANINGS IN YOUR VIDEOS, IN MY OPINION IS A DYING ART. I CAN FILM MY SELF ANYWHERE ANYTIME AND LET YOU KNOW THE TRUTH , BUT THE SONG IS WHAT I WANTED TO PRESERVE IN THIS CASE.

TO ALL MY FANS, LOOK, ITS LIKE THIS,
IM LEARNING THINGS ABOUT THIS WORLD WITH YOU, I WANT YOU TO SEE WHAT HAPPENS TO ME , I WANT YOU TO SEE HOW PEOPLE WILL SIT AND SPEND ALL SUNDAY TEARIN ME DOWN FOR SOMETHING I DIDNT EVEN MAKE OR PUT OUT, SO PEOPLE WELCOME TO MODERN DAY PROPAGANDA MESSAGE MANGLING.

IN 2007, AN OUTSIDER OPINION WILL BE CONFRONTED THIS WAY , AND THIS IS HOW THE BATTLE GOES, MY MESSAGES AND IDEAS AND MEANING WILL ALWAYS BE BROUGHT TO YOU WITH SLIGHTLY TAINTED CHANNELS. IF YOU SUPPORT ME BE SMART, AND KNOW THAT."

So I guess MIA was the last artist to know that huge American media conglomerates aren't a fan of guns. I'm not sure where she's been this whole time. I guess she didn't get the memo.

Oh, and what's up with her vocals being a cheap Missy Elliot rip-off. Because she sucked too.

The beats that are constant throughout her songs are simple 8-bar 4 on the floor style, with a moderately clever hook every so often. Her songs have no movement, no dynamics, no progression. It's just like the fucking energizer bunny. It keeps going, and going, and going. The same fucking shit over and over again. Repetition is used as an artistic tool sometimes, but somehow, I don't think that's what she was going for.

MIA, eat my dick in hell, along with the rest of you assholes who think she deserves more than 15 minutes of fame. MIA is a stupid fucking trend, that better be gone in a month like every other stupid fucking trend.